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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If I’m not ready for joint finances and not even really wanting to talk about or use my savings/net worth with a partner, does that mean I’m not ready for marriage?

Long story short – in my 30s now, in a good relationship that we both see moving forward. I’m no heiress and I’m sure dcum will say it’s nothing – but I worked in NYC for 8+ yrs in finance and working those crazy jobs, I have ended up with a net worth around $1m.  In DC now making ~170k; if bf and I were a combined household, we’d end up with a ~300-320k HHI.  Problem is -- if we married, I’d want the trappings like close in, new construction home in Bethesda etc.  It’d take a while to save that type of down payment, yet I also wouldn’t necessarily desire to pony up the down payment myself from my NYC earnings.  Same with any big expenditure/savings I think of – I’d do it on my own, but not so sure I’d want to use that money in a marriage.  Because while all is good right now (and it’s not like we’re getting engaged tomorrow – so I have time to think about it) – all I can think of is – what if I stupidly put up money for big expenses and for whatever reason the marriage doesn’t work out in the long haul?? It wouldn’t be a matter of – oh I can just remake that money. Those kinds of NYC finance jobs recruit young people and I’ve aged out; and if I could even score one, I don’t have the ability to work 15 hrs a day regularly now the way I did at 26.

Anyone had these thoughts? I feel like guys deal with this ALL the time – and most are able to take the “what’s mine is yours” approach for everything from down payments to 401ks, and I feel like I should feel the same way -- "what's mine is ours" and yet I don't really.  And FWIW – I haven’t talked to bf about this and it’s not like I think he’s the kind who’ll start spending my money or anything . . . I just worry that I always end up thinking about this and can’t get over that hump (and it really only applies to big life expenses and big savings (so houses; investment accts; 401ks), I have no problem paying for dinners, concert tix, trips etc. and we both pay for those kinds of things). Am I just not meant to be in a partnership??  
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This is exactly what prenups are for. Maybe it's more common that someone comes to a marriage with much higher wealth due to family money or inheritance, but why should this be any different? If you put a 20% downpayment on a marital home, in the event of a split, it's not unreasonable to say that you should get a bigger portion of the equity.

Obviously lots of people react differently to the idea of a prenup but I don't honestly see the big deal. If you're not marrying for the money and you trust the marriage to work out, it's a moot point anyway, so I'd sign one. [/quote]

Agree with you but a lot of guys see self made $$ differently. I have a few friends like this - thinks the woman must share her $$$ immediately so they can live the high life and if she won’t/wants a pre nup, she can just go be a spinster. I mean even the dude above - advice with a take it or leave it/go be a spinster attitude. Family wealth is viewed differently bc the 32 yr old douche can’t stand up as easily and say he is requiring her to go against her parents or grandparents wishes because then there’s a greater chance SHE walks away.[/quote]

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