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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

i think the teen is really looking for boundaries.  Tell him if he can't follow the rules [b]he can't come over[/b].  Your ten year old is watching and will follow his path if you don't punish him.  You can visit with him outside the house but, if he was a roommate not following the rules what would you do?  I think you would want to move him out or you would want to move.

And definitely stop doing things for him.  Why would he stop doing what he is doing if he is still getting benefits and no pain?  Btw, I have a 19 year old and a 16 year old and they know not to do this or they aren't welcome to live in our house either!

Maybe he doesn't want to live in his mom's house because she is more strict?  Tell him you are doing it because he is a role model and his step sibling is watching and learning.  [/quote]

He can't come over? He lives there, according to OP. It's his father's house.

OP, it's tough when you're 18 and getting ready to leave the house. My kids aren't 18 yet, but I remember being 18. You want to separate, you want to be an adult, you don't want to separate, you don't want to be an adult yet... I agree with the other PPs that punishment is not the route to go. But he does need to be a contributing member of the household (just as an adult would be), and he does need to be trustworthy (just as an adult would be). And if he's not, it's not vindictive of your husband to adjust his own behavior accordingly.[/quote]

I didn't mean he couldn't visit but, yes if he can't follow the simple house rules he shouldn't be allowed to live there.  I posted above that all the parents should get together to enforce the rules.  When he is living independently:  Has a job, apartment than he can do whatever he wants.  Until then I wouldn't let him do whatever he wants and continue to make his LUNCH.  If he is having SEX, like an adult he can damn well make his own sandwich!!!!![/quote]

Did you read where the dad doesn't have an issue with DS having sex?  His issue is having the girlfriend sleepover.  Your outrage about SEX is your issue, not theirs.  OP, think about how you as an 18 year old senior would feel if your parents told you you couldn't live with them anymore because you can't follow the rules. Your DH doesn't have issues with pot or sex, he just wants better boundaries. Figure out how to get your DSS to work within the boundaries.  Telling him he can't live with you shouldn't be an option.  What would you do for your child?[/quote]

But, what do you think they do when they sleep over?  It is about sex.  Dad doesn't want his kid to have sex in his house.  If kid doesn't like it than too bad than he needs to find somewhere else to live.   Or at the very least don't have sleepovers in his house.  When the kid is fully an adult than he can do whatever he wants.  He is only adult on paper.  I would not make his lunch that's for sure.[/quote]

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