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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Before we had our first (biologically) we were in the adoption process. Now after having a bio kid, I have more concerns about adopting that I didn't really have the first time. Your insight would be helpful:
1. Adopting internationally: I'm concerned about how an child of a different race might feel in an all white (and very fair) family. 
2. Adopting domestically: I struggle with the idea of an open adoption. Yes, I know that studies show it's better for child. We just aren't totally comfortable with it.
3. Will I feel differently about my adopted child than my biological? I fear that I'd be closer to my bio child.

* I think these are valid concerns and would appreciate any thoughtful responses. I haven't been on this thread in years but seem to recall that since it's anonymous there can often be snarky or nasty comments. Please try to refrain ?
Thanks[/quote]

I can answer some questions.  I'm an adult adoptee (transracial, international) who was adopted into a white family.  I didn't have any siblings who were biological to my parents, but we definitely were a conspicuous family.  Lots of questions came our way- some genuinely curious and some plain old hurtful.  You have to remember that your child will always be viewed as a minority and will therefore be subjected to the racism and prejudice just like any other non-adopted minority.

My white husband and I also adopted a child from the same country from which I was adopted, and we have a biological child.  So in my family, we're transracial, interracial, and international all in one! My circumstances may well be different than yours because we adopted first and then had the bio kid. I love my children equally.  It's hard to verbalize, but it's true.

I must confess that after a lifetime of being conspicuous, I'm enjoying the relative anonymity afforded by being the same race/ethnicity as my children.

I think you're asking hard, honest questions.  Good luck![/quote]

Thank you for your response!  Did you ever seek out your bio parents? If so was that a difficult process since you were adopted from another country?  I wouldnt  be as concerned except that the three of us all look very similar. (When we were in the adoption process years earlier we were going to adopt from Korea).[/quote]

PP here. I'm actually Korean myself!

Yes, I did find my birth family, almost by accident.  My parents were never given any information so I never contemplated it all my life.  When I adopted my child, we used the same American and Korean agencies my parents had used and it turned out that the Korean agency actually had quite a bit of info on my birth family, including full names of both birth parents. It's a long story, but yes, I did find them. We are in occasional communication, mostly via FB.  They didn't replace my adoptive parents in any way- they feel more like distant second cousins twice removed. I know the Korean adoption process has changed since we adopted our child, and there may be more identifying information in the files.  Some adoptees have no desire to find their birth families, while others strongly do.  My own child has no inclination whatsoever to do so at this point.

My kids actually look enough alike that people often ask if they're twins.  We don't have the situation you would with "one of these is not like the others."[/quote]

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