Reply to I think that my husband wants our kids to be failures

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[quote=Anonymous]"it is difficult when your DH had rotten, abusive, depressed, anti-supportive (nothing was good enough) parents and consequently DH doesn't know/care to parent."

Often DH's parent's were likely the same way.  I would even suggest that the OP's parents may have been similar or else she would not have been interested in DH.

But now OP has seen at least some of the light.  My suggestion is that much of what you need to do OP applies to both DH and your DC.  They all need some amount of expectations to be set.

Instead of trying to put your expectations on them, try asking them about what they want and then holding them to doing what they said they wanted to do.

For example if your DC is getting a C in math, I doubt they are happy about it.  They don't like to see most every one around them getting better grades.

You can ask them if they understand that not doing their homework is related to getting Cs.  You have to work up to behavior changes slowly or you are going to get ignored.

The thing is there are lots of things your DC want, that the world says they are going to have to work to get.  You don't have to get them (and your DH) all working hard next week.

As long as your DC grow up knowing that work is the answer to many problems, it doesn't matter that 90-95% of the time they don't follow through.

It is hugely important that they have the 5-10% of the times in their lives where they work their way out of holes created by the lazy times.

I haven't heard anything yet that suggests you can't provide them with those good examples.[/quote]

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