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[quote=Anonymous]My mom is a monumental martyr and had always complained to me about my dad, usually about how lazy or inconsiderate he was. It went on for years, right until his death....

...too shameful to let friends know and doesn't believe in therapists)...

...Seeing how haggard she got running the household I felt guilty for completely refusing to be her sound board...

...Lately she's been complaining about my brother, who lives across the country from us and who can be aloof at times. ...

...Her complaints are the usual "He's never calling me.... He doesn't care about me at all." ...

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there's more going on here but to OP's real question feeling that her mom is dependent on her and talking to her too much:
Act like an adult daughter. 
Talk once a week, listen, nod, give light advice. 
Don't do anything for her that she cannot do herself.

Since no one is handicapped or disabled, everyone can act like an adult. I won't comment on what kind of marriage the lady had, no one really can, including OP. [/quote]

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