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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you need to sit down the grandparents and tell them it's unacceptable. Your husband needs to get on board. It's emotional abuse for kids to have to listen to parental figures like that fight and scream. It makes kids anxious and not feel safe.

Did they fight like that when your husband was little?[/quote]
Yes, they did. I think that’s why he doesn’t see the issue. “They argued like that and I’m ok!” [/quote]

Is your husband okay? I assume people who came from fighting backgrounds learn to fight and scream when things are wrong. Does he try to argue like that with you? [/quote]

I grew up in that kind of house. My sister fights like that, possibly even worse because she’s seen my parents argue so much and she knows she doesn’t want to lose. I’m conflict averse. If I’m being honest, I take an unhealthy amount of crap from people because I’m afraid that if I stand up for myself it’ll provoke a fight. It’s not a healthy environment to grow up in. (I’ve had lots of therapy as an adult and I’m doing better.)

My parents had one fight like that around my kids. It freaked them out. I told them in no uncertain terms that I wouldn’t expose my kids to that, and if it happened again they wouldn’t be around my kids without me. If they start bickering I give a somewhat gentle reminder. We take time outs if they seem too stressed out to trust them not to blow up at each other. They accused me of sheltering my kids too much, but they’re mine to shelter if I choose. I don’t consider providing a chaos free, emotionally safe environment to be sheltering.

It’s more awkward with it being your inlaws, but I wouldn’t force my kids into an uncomfortable position. It’s not like your kids are saying it doesn’t bother them. They told you it’s upsetting to them. [/quote]

I grew up the same and I 100% tune someone out if they even raise their voice because it upsets me so. I have told DH that I can't have a conversation until he lowers his voice and speaks normally because it's true. I often say I'm "modeling normality" for my kids. Screaming and crying in front of your grandkids is not even within the range of normal. [/quote]

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