Reply to If I ignore me my toddlers tantrums will they stop?

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Reply to "If I ignore me my toddlers tantrums will they stop? "

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[quote=Anonymous]Read some Janet Lansbury.  It will not stop a tantrum in it's tracks, there's no magic solution for that.  But she does a good job explaining tantrums and why they happen.  And how it's NORMAL and often a healthy thing.  Your child is not being bad or manipulative, your child is FEELING things they can't explain or even understand.  So they just lose it.  And they lost it on the people they feel the safest with, YOU.

She also has some good tricks for moving through situations to avoid a "heels dug in standoff".  If this is done right, it's a beautiful way to parent.  It takes an enormous amount of patience I've found, which I am not always top notch at.  BUT I find when I can keep my calm almost endlessly (without giving in) tantrums do happen less and less.  The keys are staying calm, validating feelings, while not giving in.  She does talk about not ignoring your child.  Mainly because these feelings are normal and healthy and in some ways should be encouraged.  I have a hard time with that because often the best way for me to stay calm is to be a bit unengaged with the freakout over the fact that I undid the pajama snap instead of her.

Realizing that once a tantrum starts, logic, reasoning and even distraction will not work.  They have to feel it, work through it, and the calm. Once the calming trend happens, a little distraction is good.  I think of it more as changing the subject and having an ice breaker.  I drop whatever the stand off was about for a minute and we do something else.  Then if we have too, we come back to the issue.  If we can move on from the issue without going back, that's works too.  [/quote]

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