Reply to If I ignore me my toddlers tantrums will they stop?

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Reply to "If I ignore me my toddlers tantrums will they stop? "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There’s a difference between giving the child any attention at all and “giving in.” I agree you should basically never give in, that’s not a good precedent to set. But I see no difference in frequency and severity of tantrums between kids who have a parent empathize a bit and kids whose parents ignore their distress (because that’s what it is at this age, not manipulation). No, empathizing doesn’t “work” if by work you mean “immediately make them stop and never have a tantrum again”— but by that measure, neither does ignoring.[/quote]
I agree with this, and I also make a distinction between a manipulative tantrum and a true meltdown.  Sometimes little kids just can't control their emotions, and that is a truly scary experience for them.  They can't calm themselves down, and they need you to be the calm and help bring them back to themselves.  When my kid is having one of those kind of tantrums, I hold her, help her breathe deeply, talk her through calming down, etc.  Then I treat it like a thunderstorm that's passed--whatever we were going to do before the tantrum, we do.  If we were going to brush teeth, we brush teeth.  If we were going to go to the park, we go to the park.   Meaning, I don't give in, I don't let it change my behavior.

The manipulative tantrums are when the kid is still in control, and those I first empathize with and then ignore.  "You are mad because I won't let you have another cookie.  It's okay to be mad, but it's not okay to scream and throw things."  Then I ignore.

There is no strategy that will just make tantrums stop, though, because they are part of a child's emotional development--big feelings, limited communication skills.  [/quote]

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