Reply to I'm struggling so much with ending my marriage.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think this is the sickness and health part. [/quote]

No, it's not.
 When it comes to mental health, you cannot sacrifice your own well being for a spouse who REFUSES to help themselves. Mental health is not like cancer. If a cancer patient doesn't treat themselves then they die. If a mentally ill person doesn't treat themselves, then YOU die, on the inside and slowly, until you also need mental health treatment.

OP - you are me about 5 years ago. I am still in the marriage but it is because I was/still am stuck financially.[b] I am a ruined shell of what I was [/b]because of living with a spouse so severely mentally ill that myself and our two kids all were put on meds and in therapy just to deal with the chaos our lives BECAME because spouse wouldn't get treatment. Just leave -- for GOOD-- and if your DH gets help for like a YEAR, then maybe you can reconcile. Otherwise just leave.[/quote]

Refusal is more like denial in people with anxiety/depression. I am not going to judge or comment on your situation other than to say I sincerely hope things get better for oyu and your family. I don't know if this sounds cheesy or corny but I really feel for you. The high lighted line is something no person should ever feel. [/quote]

Me too, OP. Not to derail but I have been through something similar with my husband over the past year. It made me really take a look at what happiness means and what love means and what my own vows meant. I don't believe he is entirely well, but sometimes loving means loving even the unloveable. I know it isn't black and white and this is what is so hard ~ you are dealing with the "how can we have kids" question and I'm dealing with the "we have kids how much do I sacrifice for them, for him, etc?". There are no easy answers. For me, I'm waiting. Also insisting, we had our first therapy appointment after I begged for 6 months then finally told him to leave until he had made an appt. It only lasted 48 hours but it did work, and I am not the ultimatum sort. I continue to make clear that I love him, that I am there for him, that I will go to the ends of the earth to help him ~ but I can't do it FOR him. All I need to see is buy in and effort and I'm encouraged. I'm finally getting that, but of course I'm scared that I'm past the point of caring....but thats just anger and disappointment talking.

I hope you find peace. Remember that you are deserving of happiness, and so is he. You love each other, so just keep trying to find that happiness together. You may not be able to. In that case you may choose to move along and you will definitely be happy again at some point. you are strong and resilient and life is long. I just keep telling myself that I will never regret trying, and I will try till I get to a point where I would have regrets or its hurting our kids, I have options. [/quote]

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