Reply to How to handle this awkward situation?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you sent the note that others are proposing, I'd never be friends with you because you are making their play together about money. That's fine if you don't care, but I also think it could make things awkward between your families and consequently hurt their friendship.

Tell your nanny to say no if she doesn't want to do this. Or how about you ask the other mom if you can come up with a car pool schedule where she and the nanny alternate weeks of driving to gymnastics? [/quote]

I kinda get what you're saying PP but if you don't want it to be about money than you don't take advantage of another family's paid childcare without trying to head this off at the past by being overly generous in offering to compensate the nanny.

IE, if I were the other mom and I didn't want to make it weird, I would have already offered nanny money and told this mom that I had done that. And thanked her profusely for being ok with it.

I would say OP, that you know the players. It is a nice arrangement for your DD and a note that aggressive could kill it. If nanny is REALLY ok with it I might just let it go but its hard to know if she is since she wants to be accommodating to stay with your family. What a crappy position other mom has put you in, because this isn't about money for you, its about compensating nanny fairly.

I think I'd probably send her a note that says something like, 'Hi Sarah, I know that Nanny has been driving Larla and DD to gymnastics every Wednesday and also on some weekdays. And then Larla is coming to hang out a lot of the afternoons. I am totally fine with this and so happy the girls are such good friends but I want to make sure Nanny is fairly compensated as this isn't what we discussed with her when we hired her. Any chance we could grab coffee and discuss?'

Any reasonable person will read that note and IMMEDIATELY offer to compensate nanny or scale it back dramatically but it likely won't REALLY hurt the core relationship. She will NOT want to have coffee with you to discuss this. If she ignores or doesn't change her behavior than you have grounds to go to the other harsher message. But I would try to keep it a little more friendly for the initial volley since you want DD and Larla to still be friends. [/quote]

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