Reply to How did you deal with your DS or DD during parental alienation?

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Reply to "How did you deal with your DS or DD during parental alienation?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again.  I'm not trying to equate the "stuff" and "money" with parenting.  I'm really not.  I am (I hope) very involved and active in her life.

I'm also not trying to "manipulate" her.

I'm trying to discern the best course of action that makes her realize - eventually, maybe - that her actions and decisions have consequences; that she should begin to have some responsibility.

Incidentally she's also pissed I took her phone away (she broke her ironclad, repeat promise to give me the unlock code) and that I won't let her see a friend who is a terrible influence.  Guess who lets her use a phone and guess who lets her see her friend?  :([/quote]

I'm confused. I thought mom wasn't letting her see you? But you're very involved? Could you clarify what the problem is? It might help with advice. What is DD deciding that is causing problems? Is she asking to stay at moms when it's your turn? How far apart do you and mom live?

[/quote]

We were 50/50 until just a few days ago.  DD just emailed me saying my house was contributing to her emotional issues and she wanted to stay with mom for a while.  We live about a mile apart.

The absurdity is that her mother is too stupid to disguise the fact she wrote the email and signed it in a manner totally different than DD, so I know ex's bitter hand is all over this.   [/quote]

So, after a signifiant amount of time going back and forth, she decided she wants a say in the matter, and asked to stay with mom for a few extra days, and you're crying parental alienation and threatening to cancel her activities?

It is not unusual or alarming for a teenager to start having strong opinions about where they stay.  Making it all about you, rather than realizing that she's in a difficult situation that you and ex created, and that trying to take control is a natural developmentally appropriate response to the situation.

Email back and say "Thanks for letting me know.  I'll miss you but I understand.  I hope I see you soon!  Love, Dad."[/quote]

You pick up your child as scheduled and do the activities and everything as planned.  You don't give in and be ok with her not coming.[/quote]

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