Reply to How did you deal with your DS or DD during parental alienation?

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Reply to "How did you deal with your DS or DD during parental alienation?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again.  I'm not trying to equate the "stuff" and "money" with parenting.  I'm really not.  I am (I hope) very involved and active in her life.

I'm also not trying to "manipulate" her.

I'm trying to discern the best course of action that makes her realize - eventually, maybe - that her actions and decisions have consequences; that she should begin to have some responsibility.

Incidentally she's also pissed I took her phone away (she broke her ironclad, repeat promise to give me the unlock code) and that I won't let her see a friend who is a terrible influence.  Guess who lets her use a phone and guess who lets her see her friend?  :([/quote]

You need serious counseling. It's clear why you are divorced.

You have the inability to see how your actions have consequences and you are always blaming others outside of yourself for your predicament.[/quote]

OP here. WOW, dcum never fails to absolutely leap screaming into judgement when people are looking for help and perspective.

Yes, my actions have consequences.  For one, I'm stricter with discipline and she doesn't like it.  Her mother frequently gives in to her and lets DD bully her into submission.  How do I know this?  DD2.

I'm specifically looking at advice like:

Appeal to the child’s conscience that he or she is rejecting, hurting, and humiliating an innocent party who cares for that child

Appeal to the child’s critical thinking (intelligence and emotions) and make the child aware of the unfairness and cruelty in rejecting a loving parent.

Make the child aware that they may lose a good parent if the process of alienation continues.

Passivity and tolerance are ineffective when dealing with parental alienation. What is required is confrontation of a very powerful type in order to counteract the effects of the alienation and to reverse it.

(source: http://www.parental-alienation.info/publications/24-sigofparalisynandhowtocouitseff.htm)

[/quote]

Child doesn't understand how she is treating you or the impact.  That takes parenting to help her understand.  Its not going to happen.  Mom is more flexible and wants to be the good parent.  She isn't going to support you and that will cause alienation.  You need to work with Mom to get on the same parenting page or find another way to work with your daughter.  You keep up your parenting time and parenting.  You are putting too much on your child.  Some of this is normal in any household where kids split the parents.  The difference is how both parents deal with it and deal with it together.  This doesn't sound like alienation but it sounds like you are a stricter parent and Mom is not, so she's aligning with Mom so she can get what she wants.  Alienation is when Mom specifically stops visits, refuses phone contact, etc.  This is pre-alienation or the start but this is not full alienation. [/quote]

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