Reply to How much secrets/lying is tolerable in a relationship?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In answer to your title question.... lying, almost none. Secrets from before marriage? Might be okay. Secrets during marriage? Almost none.

You need to understand the WHY of the lie. It doesn't seem to be that he thinks you'll be mad since you've told him you would not. Is he a compulsive liar? Does he not respect you? Would you blab to the other wives? Is something worse going on? [/quote]

He knows I won't tell the other wives.  The secrets/lies are inherently disrespectful, aren't they?

I don't know what qualifies as a compulsive liar, but he is dishonest in other ways.  He is very big about appearances and acts differently in public vs. private.  He regularly expresses opinions he doesn't hold, but knows the listener wants to hear.  Like sounding conservative to Republican friends, liberal to his Democrat friends, very machismo with my brother and the opposite with my parents.  He is most real and honest with me, but still holds back.  He feels very strongly, to an extent that is not considered 'normal', about privacy and has a high embarrassment level.  I think this is the WHY.  [/quote]

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