Reply to Difficult situation - am I doing the right thing?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your brother is part of your family.  It is okay to love a family member even when the family member is flawed because, honestly, we're all flawed.

Your children look to you to model the behavior of the type of person you want them to be.  Do you really want the lesson they learn from you is that if you disapprove of a person's mental or physical illness then you cut them out of your life?[/quote]

This is the problem with defining addiction as an illness.  Idiots like you get to tell people not to have boundaries with assholes that lie, steal, and ruin other people's lives.[/quote]

No.  That is not what I said at all.  Addiction is an illness.  You're right that [i]sometimes[/i] people with the illness do things like lie or steal to support their addictions and then the people who love them do need to set boundaries to protect themselves and their belongings. But OP hasn't said anything in her post that indicates that her brother currently is lying to or stealing from her parents or that he has had a relapse.  There are many stages of an illness like addiction.  Only at the worst stages would it ever be necessary to bar an addict from the home.  It certainly doesn't sound like OP's brother is at that stage.

OP also has a duty to her children.  To keep them safe, yes.  She also has a duty, though, is to teach them how to treat other people.  I don't believe that the message OP wants to send (you have a mental illness or an addiction so I am cutting you out of my life) is a healthy one for her children.

Finally, we do have a family member who was an addict.  He is deceased now.  He died because of his addiction.  We miss him greatly.  And I still say that the message OP wants to model for her children is a bad one for her children.

Also, I hope that you notice that I am disagreeing with you but I am not calling you an "idiot".  That's how grown-up, mature people act.  You might try it some time but first you will have to grow up.[/quote]

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