Reply to Difficult situation - am I doing the right thing?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a brother with serious addiction issues and I have kids. My feeling is this. I loved my brother even though I hated that he was an addict. But I didnt abandon or avoid him because of it. And I never want my children to believe my love and support are conditional. So my kids knew their uncle. They knew that we all loved him. They also understand that it isn’t a life we wanted for him. So, given that your brother poses no safety risk to your kids, no I don’t think it is the right thing to send the message that you will only support those whose lifestyles you agree with. 
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To be clear, when my kids are old enough to be on social media, he will connect with them and offer them drugs or ask for money.  There is zero doubt in my mind about this.  We may have 5 years before this is a real concern, but it is one reason I don’t want them to have a relationship.  I don’t think my kids will be able to say no if he asks for money to buy his own kids a present.

So while I have resentment and anger towards him, this is not pure vindictiveness[/quote]

Thanks op, this helps me understand your concern.  If you feel like your children are in danger, you always chose the thing that keeps the kids safe.  To me this would either be avoiding him or having them meet him, but not let them be alone with him and explain to your kids that he is a liar.  Give them specific examples of when he lied.  Explain that he hurt thier grandparents.  It is ok to be honest.  I woukd even let them know that addiction is the issue.  I woukd say it in age appropriate words.  But you need to teach them at a young age that they cannot trust him.  If you really think he can charm them, keep them away.  [/quote]

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