Reply to Spouse says he really doesn't want a gift

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find it rather selfish when a person says that he/she doesn't want anything for xmas, birthday, whatever.

Because giving a gift shows that you care for a lot of people (5 love languages). And just letting your SO pick something out for you -- like a new baseball hat -- is a gift you are giving them. I've gone years without giving DH a gift, but I feel crappy about it. He doesn't appear to care.

I've asked him to let me get the stuff he needs, but he can't delay his needs, apparently. Or wants. I see he gets packages from Amazon or whatever on a regular basis, with his hobby stuff in it. Could he not have let me get that for him? or his children? Can he delay his pleasure of getting new XYZ until Christmas?

Yes, I'm making this about me, about the giver. But honestly, half of Christmas is about gift GIVING not receiving. Don't we tell this to kids all the time and make them get gifts for grandparents who need absolutely NOTHING? Yes, we do.  And not allowing your SO the pleasure of giving a gift is simply mean. And not helping them pick something out is also mean.

As you say, there's 5 love languages. Gifts are yours. Mine is words of affirmation. I am not lying when I say a sincere "you do so much for this family and I am so glad I am married to you" would mean more to me than any single thing wrapped thing you could put under a tree. Maybe it's selfish of you to make someone accept your material item they don't want rather than try to actually love them how they want to be shown?

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