Reply to Spouse says he really doesn't want a gift

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find it rather selfish when a person says that he/she doesn't want anything for xmas, birthday, whatever.

Because giving a gift shows that you care for a lot of people (5 love languages). And just letting your SO pick something out for you -- like a new baseball hat -- is a gift you are giving them. I've gone years without giving DH a gift, but I feel crappy about it. He doesn't appear to care.

I've asked him to let me get the stuff he needs, but he can't delay his needs, apparently. Or wants. I see he gets packages from Amazon or whatever on a regular basis, with his hobby stuff in it. Could he not have let me get that for him? or his children? Can he delay his pleasure of getting new XYZ until Christmas?

Yes, I'm making this about me, about the giver. But honestly, half of Christmas is about gift GIVING not receiving. Don't we tell this to kids all the time and make them get gifts for grandparents who need absolutely NOTHING? Yes, we do.  And not allowing your SO the pleasure of giving a gift is simply mean. And not helping them pick something out is also mean.

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Sorry, I don't do stuff.  And I will take the gifts that you insist on giving me directly to the garbage or Goodwill, depending on my mood that day.  Your need to consume does not impact me.[/quote]

I actually don't need to consume. I buy much less stuff than my DH. I like experiences instead of gifts. DH does not always get gifts. I don't buy junk just to buy junk (I tried, but it didnt' work for either of us). But when he is buying his own stuff and won't wait to let me give it to him? Not ok.[/quote]

Seriously?  You sound controlling.  You don't have to like it, and you can ask him to change.  But if he prefers to buy the things he wants rather than wait for you to give those things to him, it is his call.  [/quote]

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