Reply to What to do when you get the silent treatment from someone close (not family).

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My own Mother did this to me as punishment when I was a child.

I can still remember how awful it felt to have my own parent not respond to me when I really needed to talk things out.

So I may be prejudiced, but if a friend did this to me then that would be it.

The friendship would be toast.[/quote]

[b]This is enlightening.  I am the freeze out friend.  I simply stopped returning the calls.  My verbally abusive, crashing drunk father did the same to me my entire life.  He'd decide to not speak to me for days, even up to a month sometimes. I've never made the connection until now.  I've hurt so many former friends.  I see friendship w other women as a lose-lose proposition and so I keep my so called friends at arms length and never do any of the work to maintain the relationship.  
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NP, not the PP above.

Is that OP replying (bolded section)? Whether or not it's OP -- it's fantastic that you've seen this about yourself. It's rare and difficult to become self-aware like you describe. Please, going forward, keep that consciousness alive and put in the work to maintain friendships. And consider whether you can go back to some of those former friends and re-start things -- some may indeed shut you out or be angry and lash out, so be ready for that response. But others (and you can figure out who they are) may be quite understanding and want to pick up the friendship again. Believe me on this. Been there.

Also, bolded PP or OP....if you aren't already, please talk to a therapist about this so you can build on this revelation and deal with the impact your father has had on your life. You CAN be a person who isn't so influenced by your past but you need to work on that, with a professional. You can do it. I think you should be proud of yourself today for this admission. You're freeing yourself step by step and will be a better friend for it.

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Hi.  I'm the freeze out friend and NOT OP.  Thanks for your kind response.  I am in therapy and it's been a long road.  Had to switch courses when I finally treated my likely lifelong depression.  Switched from working out specific issues with my past to confronting the present, feeling miserable and worthless. I'm in a much, much better place and on meds.

I tend to see maintaining relationships as burdensome.  It's a miracle that I have been married 18 years.  My world is quite small.  I am in sales and one of those upbeat, energetic, friendly coworkers. I have lovely manners, am outgoing, funny and have been called warm and gracious.  Sounds great, but I always, always seem to miss out on making friends organically (no friends from college, no friends from former jobs) or, most painfully, I'll have the chance to befriend someone (book club) and I'll stay on the fringe or just quietly stop going or being involved, telling myself I'm annoyed or want to be left alone.  Anyway, all will be revisited in therapy.

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