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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just based on what you wrote I can see why he cheated. Read it again, and maybe you will see why.

Hint: you treated him like shit for 6 months....[/quote]

It's a flimsy reason on any scale.  While I'm not saying your circumstances completely excuse your behavior, OP, I would NOT discount the combination of accident, recovery, narcotics, a move, etc. etc. etc.  In a very short time, you've had to deal with a number of HUGE issues.  While your husband may have had his feelings hurt, I'm not sure he was there enough for you either.  And six months?  Are you KIDDING me?  Did you two include the "for better or for worse" bit in your vows?  Are you telling me that he gave it six months of trying harder than you (or not) and this justifies his cheating?  NEGATIVE.

I'm very sorry and i hope you can both move past this in time but you BOTH need to be honest about your parts, your expectations and needs.  But please don't take this on as you being the villian - he made an incredibly selfish and cowardly move.  Nothing you have done or said excuses his cheating - the question is, will he be man enough to admit it and work with you to restore and grow your marriage.

Praying for you both <3
[/quote]

We’ve been married for 14 months, he looked for a job here didnt find one, he convinced me to move to his state. I quit my job to move in June and the accident happened, i broke my knee. Lost my independence overnight, in a new state, no friends ir family, and in just 4 months of finally living under the same roof he cheats? N is not even sorry he yelled at me and said it was my fault that he cheated, that im the one to blame, and presented me with divorce papers. I was so heartbroken, i just signed the papers, as I dont want anything from him, no alimony nothing. The irony is, the whole time weve been together, he was the one checking my phone whenever it beeoed, asking who is calling or who im talking to whenever it rings, who is commenting on ur fbook, why did u respond ect and i never had an inappropriate relationship with anyone while he is the one who cheated. Im just so heartbroken, its not like he didnt leave a hole or I never wanted more in the relationship or he treated me perfectly but I stayed loyal. I just feel so sad [/quote]

Oh OP - my blood is boiling and I don't even know you.
I'd also like to revise what I wrote earlier - I was trying to be "unbiased" but I have to say, I agree with the poster who observed that your husband was making everything about himself ... I'm embarrassed for him.  You married a narcissist and I'm so sorry.  And if you were older, you'd know his unbridled jealousy is a big red flag ... it's often a trait of cheaters because they know what they're capable of themselves... and you wouldn't know this unless you learned the hard way or knew somebody else it happened to, so DON'T beat yourself up for not seeing it, I beg you.   While I know it's said that problems are never 100% one person's fault, I'd say in this instance, your husband is close to earning the dubious distinction.

Trust in your goodness.[/quote]

Thank you, i just feel so sad as I could have never imagined that, he told me over and over how everyone cheated on him, played victim all the time and said i was emotionally abusive or gadlighting him whenever i disagreed or refused to do something. He would call my family to say im chatting with guys, even though these were childhood friends, tell his mom about our arguments, call my cousin, my family n tell them how bad i was even though im a cery private person and eventually hes the one who cheated, im just broken[/quote]

Amazing, huh?  He accused you of being emotionally abusive and gas lighting... that's more than simple hypocrisy, it's delusional at best.  I get that you're sad though - it's the death of something - but the last post I read before writing this suggested that you look as this as a blessing and to thank your Guardian Angel ...  you won't see it yet but he has shown his true colors early and I couldn't agree with that poster more.

He sounds so destructive that I wouldn't put it past him to hurt you physically - wouldn't surprise me at all.  Do whatever you need to be safe, OP - Mind, Body and Soul... [/quote]

Yes, i am sad because i invested 2 years of my life into it and he has been smearing my name to his family, mother, siblings and friends. None of them knows he cheated on me, he told them i was emotionally abusive, rejecting him and didnt appreciate him. So im hurt that so many people dont know the full truth and are judging me for it. Also, since i discovered the affair, he acts like im scum and has so much hate for me, that im second guessing myself wondering if maybe im the one to blame, maybe i didnt do enough. He leaves home early and gets home at 11pm or midnight. I go to physical therapy and come home, locked in the bedroom all day as I have no friends and family around. Im just so broken and sad and i need to get a job so i can get out of the toxic environment [/quote]

I wish you'd meet with a lawyer so that he/she can advise you of the best course of action.  I'm not even talking about divorce - I'm talking about protecting yourself, your reputation, etc..  It's important to have all this documented.  Plus, you'll have an advocate which will make you feel impowered and who can help you create a timeline and to set goals.

Do you trust anyone at PT to recommend a good lawyer?
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