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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I grew up in a "Go work it out" family.  Things that we couldn't work out (which were frequent) we settled physically.  It was a free for all.  No way in hell I brought up my kids that way.[/quote]

I grew up in a similar household.  The result was my older sisters (3 and 8 years older than me) wailing on me whenever they felt like it for any reason.  I remember getting punched in the face for "breathing too loud" once when I was in primary school.  My sisters were SHOCKED when I didn't want anything to do with them from about the age of 10 through 25.

Also, my mother's strict "don't tattle, settle it yourselves" rules also meant I never told her that my best friend's older brother was abusing me for years.  She'd never helped any time another kid had hurt me, no matter how bad, so I assumed she'd just blame me for the brother abusing me to (which honestly, she probably would have).  I knew my only options were let him keep abusing me but get to keep my best/only friend or give up the friend to avoid the abuse.  I chose to keep the friend and he kept abusing me for another 4 years.

I don't think the right answer is intervening in every fight but you can't just let kids go all lord of the flies and expect a good outcome.  [/quote]

I’m sorry about the abuse, pp. It’s a good lesson for all of us that the easy way to parent (let them work it out themselves all the time)can be detrimental.[/quote]

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