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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have kids 3 years apart also.  Yes, I do teach them strategies for getting along ... and then I back off and let them work it out, hopefully experimenting with the strategies I tried to teach them.

Eventually the older kid learned that if he always tries to get the good toys and have his way, the younger kid will (a) not play with him anymore, and/or (b) throw a screaming fit.  He's learned that he needs to play nicely if he wants a playmate.

Frankly, it's more effective than Mom coming in every 15 minutes to remind him to share.

Of course, this only works if the younger one is more vocal about his wants/needs, which mine is (a blessing and curse...).  If the younger is more of a "go along to get along" type, I could see wanting to jump in more so that he doesn't get pushed around.[/quote]
This is OP.  I guess my kids are not so advanced to think far into the future like that.  In my example, my older was willing to not share with the younger because he a) wanted to play with the friend and b) wanted to play with the friend's toys.  He was not thinking, oh, if I do this one day in the future my little brother might not play with me.  Plus, younger idolizes older and will always want to play with older whereas older can do more things alone, like reading a book.  [b]What they needed was for me to step up and say, Older, you can play with this for 20 minutes and when the timer rings give it to your brother.  When I hear them offer this sort of strategy to the other, I'll be willing to back off.[[/b]/quote]

You need to open up a separate dialogue with your older about his behavior.  Specifically, you need to lay out for him your expectations, your belief that he can meet those expectations, and a clear message that there will be consequences for him if he does not.

It sounds like your expectations are that he self-regulate when it comes to sharing with his brother.  Why?  Because you're a family, and families share with each other and do so respectfully.

And given his age, you know he is capable of doing this without you having to tell him.  How do you know this?  Because he does it well at school and with his friends.  So of course he can also do it with his younger sibling.

But if he chooses not to -- if he chooses to hoard toys or devices, prevent his younger sibling from participating etc. -- he will receive a consequence for his bad choice.  Why?  Because you're a family, and families share with each other and do so respectfully.

Give him a chance to ask questions, object, etc., and discuss it until he understands that you're serious.  Then, your job as a parent is to listen -- to praise him/them when they're making good choices, and to impose consequences when they are not.  But the focus right now seems to be on DC1, so keep it there until he does his part.  Then you can work with DC2.[/quote]

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