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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know whether he's cheating or trying to break up with you.  Possibly.  But that's not even what's foremost on my mind.

He's not meeting your needs.  He's not being attentive.  He's literally and figuratively distant.

Move on.  Find someone compatible.  He's not.  And [b]living in the same area doesn't solve the problem[/b].  I was in a long-distance relationship for 2 years and only survived because we both made a commitment to keep in touch religiously.  [/quote]

OP, please re-read this, especially what I put into bold. This PP is right. If you were to decide that "Well, it'll get better if we're in the same area so I'll wait and see what happens then," you will have wasted a lot of time and energy. Your boyfriend is clearly showing you who he really is, and that is not going to change if the two of you are in the same area; it will be worse. I was in a long-distance relationship for several years and know what is and isn't positive and supportive behavior in a long-distance boyfriend; what your BF is doing and saying are gigantic, waving, neon red flags that you need to heed.

I want to add a huge, huge "Good for you--stick to your guns" regarding your insistence that he be tested and your insistence that you not have intercourse until he IS tested. I believe many or most women, especially younger women, would cave on this when a boyfriend started pleading "I love you." You're smart to stick to your principles on testing; now take those same smarts and use them to dump him immediately.

Especially troubling is how your BF took things you said and twisted them around to try to make it appear that YOU were being somehow abusive towards HIM. If  you used the language you quoted in your original post, you were doing things right -- "I feel uncomfortable" etc. is fine. Yet he somehow made it all about how you were crossing some boundary HE had set (and never told you about before?) to protect himself. That is a very worrying behavior; it's subtle and manipulative, and aimed at making you feel that you were in the wrong and he's some kind of victim just for being his wonderful self who knows better than you do about your own work.....and so on. His later acknowledgement that he was rude sounds hollow and was too little, too late.

Please take it from an older and long-married woman: He may love you, you may love him, but love is not enough when a partner acts this way. He can have the toughest job in the world, he can be stressed and blaming anything he says or does on stress, you can feel sorry for him and his tough life and difficult work schedule.... but overall what you describe is a person who will put himself ahead of the relationship and who will always assume he is correct about anything.

One last thought: Is it possible that if you break up he would try showing up where you are and pleading OR showing up and getting angry? Do you think that's a possibility? His work schedule sounds like that couldn't happen, but if he seems possessive at all or has a temper that makes you think he might just turn up either to win you over or argue with you -- be prepared for that possibility. And don't cave if he comes to you crying that he has baggage from his past or whatever. You're smart and strong. Stick with that.[/quote]

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