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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here - I was talking about my own anger but in response to child's frequent tantrum/meltdowns over what should be happy family experiences. [/quote]

I think first of all, it's important to recognize your kid is not doing it on purpose, she really is having difficulty controlling her own behavior.   She may look like a big kid, but her emotional maturity is more like a much younger child.  Remembering and internalizing this idea helps me stay calm through my own kid's meltdowns.

Second, you can help learn to better control her own behavior.  Staying calm and in control is important.  Are you giving into to her tantrums, thus showing her she can get what she wants?  Or are you giving her negative attention through your own reactions, thus showing her she can control you with tantrums?  If you are doing either of these, stop.

Next, identify the situations that cause her to meltdown.  ADHD kids get easily overwhelmed by noise, unexpected events, frustration etc.  The better you can identify these situations, the better you can prepare for or avoid them.

Then you can institute a behavioral program for managing the tantrums.  Offer praise/rewards for going a day without a tantrum.  If she does have a tantrum, suggest she go to her room to calm down (this is not a punishment or a timeout, it's a "stress break").

During and immediately after tantrums, kids are not available for learning. But once she is fully calm, you can talk about the situation.  Why did she get upset?  Did getting upset feel good?  Did she get what she wanted?  If she didn't, what could she have done instead that might have worked better?

Behavioral therapists can help you with a lot of this.[/quote]

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