Reply to Why does no one reciprocate?

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[quote=Anonymous]There are multiple things going on, OP.

First, there are people who like to host and people who hate it. There are many people who see their home as a private sanctuary, especially if they have an introverted side. For them to invite people over feels about as fun and natural as inviting people into the bathroom to shower and cut toenails with them.

The most you can expect from them is that they invite you to meet up elsewhere sometimes, and that they express appreciation for your hosting efforts and offer to pitch in and contribute.

A second thing is that people see how much you enjoy hosting, and that enjoyment is so alien to them that they think they're making you happy by coming to your events. This is also how they rationalize not reciprocating.

A third thing is that many people feel inadequate and insecure about hosting. They are pretty sure that they will be awkward, ill-equipped hosts and that people will not have a good time and will judge everything.

A fourth thing is that everyone sees you as hosts, not guests. Maybe you'd need to be more (pleasantly) blunt about wanting to be invited to something, and it would nudge some people to the novel idea of hosting you.

People tend to be pretty self-involved, and many haven't grown up with a hosting culture or fine points of manners and the understanding of social duties. It's not a slight to you that they don't invite you, so you should try to set that attitude aside. Come out and ask for what you need. Your real friends will do all they can to try to give back, in the ways they can.

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