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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What would a divorce be like - would I really be happier? Would it ruin our kids? Will we be broke? Will everything be lonely? Will I just find a new partner and continue having the same stupid arguments, just with a different person?

I like to believe our marriage is worth saving, because we do love eachother and are attracted to one another. We just forgot, or never learned, how to be teammates and not adversaries.[/quote]

1. "would I really be happier?"

After seven years I can see that certain aspects of my life are happier but a huge portion of my life is not happier. Although my ex wife filed for the divorce and therefore I had no real choice in the matter I have huge regret over how the divorce has negatively impacted the children.

2. "Would it ruin our kids?"

Yes. Those that say "kids are resilient" and "they thrive after divorce" are at best seeing life through filters. In my case, the ex wife has been forcing the kids to choose sides and has put the kids under a lot of pressure. The kids have not handled that well. My oldest is embarrassed and ashamed to be from a divorced family. He has cut ties with certain groups because their families are not divorced and he says those kids do/say things that hurt his feelings. My daughter has developed emotional and self esteem issues and self harm issues have developed.

I know people will want to blame me and say I'm not giving a true picture but I am not lying. Divorce is very hard on kids. Most of the time the parents do not behave well and that causes problems for the kids. Even if one parent tries hard the other parent often uses the kids against the other. Most of the time the mother uses the kids against the father.

3. "will everything be lonely?"

Your asking that makes me think you are a female. Being "lonely" wasn't a concern for me during the divorce. I was concerned about (1) how the kids were feeling (2) if my ex-wife and kids would have enough money (3) If I would get enough time with the kids (3) How I was going to be part of their life and what would happen to my relationship with my kids.

I was YEARS before I even started thinking about finding someone.

Was I lonely? YES. I was sad and depressed for a very long time. I was lonely for my kids.

4. will you just move on and have the same arguments?

Odd are that you will. Most people don't know how to learn and grow purposefully. If you are like my ex-wife you will not even move on. You will continue to find reasons and ways to have the same old arguments with your ex-husband and even if he refuses to engage and only communicates in writing in order to prevent fights you will leave nasty voice messages calling him names and rehashing the past. You will annoy all your friends with old "I hate my ex" stores. [/quote]

Dude, you really need to deal with your feelings about your ex and your failed marriage.[/quote]

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