Reply to My 30 something brother is homeless and is ruining everyone's lives

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Your post reeks of ignorance about mental health issues and addiction. Addicts lie and steal. They are driven to it. They cannot help themselves. A lot end up dead.

These are FACTS. Don't judge him as you would judge a healthy person.

Now with these facts, your family should never have enabled him. It simply prolongs the pain. He should have been cut off a long time ago and directed to institutional help. Families cannot force addicted adults to seek help and treatment. They just need to let go, and it's incredibly painful, but your parents should have been educated and guided to do so.

You need to drag your parents to addict meetings and therapy so they can be persuaded to cut him off. You can also tell them that you will NOT support them if their money is going to your brother. You can do this by paying the rent directly to the landlord, and similar things. You must clearly explain to your brother that he is not welcome in your neighborhood and you do not want him around your family.

The end.[/quote]

How do I drag them to meetings?  They are adults too.  I've told them they are enabling him and that they are just prolonging his problems and keeping him from getting well. My dad says he will "support his kids until he is broke or dead."  [/quote]

Try pitching the meetings as a way to talk to others who are going through similar situations, and a way to learn how best to help your brother.  Ask them to go with you because you love them and really want them to support you in this.

And stop telling your parents that they should cut off your brother.  They aren't going to do that, and they see that as incompatible with their love for their children.  Look at your kids and imagine telling one of them that you want nothing more to do with him, that he is no longer welcome in your home.  That would break your heart, right?  Your parents probably know they can't fix your brother, but if they abandoned him and something happened to him, they would never forgive themselves.  This is such an awful, hard, heartbreaking situation for them.  Protect your own kids, but have sympathy for your parents.  [/quote]

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