Reply to Friend not wanting me to speak to her husband

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Friend not wanting me to speak to her husband"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have been a victim of physical, verbal and emotional abuse.  I generally avoided having my then BF or partner interacting w/ my friends because he was volatile or would be critical after.

My friends and family should have recognized that as a red flag.

Just be the kind of friend that is open to hearing things without criticism.  If your froend is signalling that her partner is not available, follow her lead or she might distance herself further from you.  Victims of abuse generally know what is safe and unsafe for them.

If you continue to visit and share about your life and ask generally about hers, more will come out.  [/quote]

I have heard of this.  Don't be over friendly to other people's spouses - if that spouse is abusive, it ends in more abuse.  It that what you want?  It is not that he prefers you, it is that he is using it against her (not in your favor).  It is hard to explain unless you live with it, but outside forced definitely add to the abuse (often without realizing).  [/quote]

He is not abusive. I think you are in the wrong thread.[/quote]

I am the PP that described my experience as the victim of abusive.

I see that OP has written that friend's spouse is not abusive.  I think this is hard to know from the outside.  Perhaps if the cictim is beaten frequently and severely and you saw the friend frquently (at least once a week), you would expect to notice.

In my abusive relationships, I was not beaten; however, I was threatened with beatings and dealt with a volatile temper frequently.  Early on my friends disliked my BF, but i did not see what they saw, or, rather, I experienced the rest of the abusive cycle - the pledges of love, the apologies, the promises and the fun times - which made me stay.  Eventually, when he raised his hand and threatened to beat the crap out of me for the second time, I left. That took eight years.  During that time I increasingly withdrew from friendships.

In a second relationship I dealt with more secretive abuse - my partner was nice on the surface but moody and volatile due to undiagnosed mood disorder, nursing a growing drinking problem in an attempt to self-medicate and lying to me wildly in order to carry out sexual encounters with a wide variety of paid an unpaid women.  DH couldn't get along with any of my friends, but none of them would have expected that I was being verbally and emotionally abused.  Some might have said we had "relationship" problems, but not many noticed.  The few friends and family to whom I have told the entire story were shocked and horrified because they had no clue.

I am mot saying, OP's friend is being abused, I am just saying a possibility.

Also, it's interesting to see the friend being described as contoing or a perfectionist.  That is a red flag, especially if it is behaviour that didn't start until the relationship.  Hypervigilance and a desire to be perfect is one way victims try to minimize the triggers for abuse.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics