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[quote=Anonymous]I’m not sure that this is advice, but my mother had a similar dynamic with her SIL when she started dating my dad. My father’s father had also passed, and she had basically fallen into this bratty role that everyone catered to. I think it was because she appeared to take the death of their father really hard, and also because my grandmother basically ran out of energy to parent her properly. Much of the behavior was the same - tagging along to dates between my father and mother, sitting in my father’s lap. Today, my aunt is in her 50s and is still a piece of work. Basically, my mother was able to get my father to see how out of line my aunt was, and boundaries were set. My own husband had a bratty sister, who was all kinds of jealous when he started dating me. There were a few outrageous incidents where she read some of our AIM conversations (snooped, basically), another where she wouldn’t let DH answer his phone when I called, that, and she posted her displeasure with me all over the internet.

I made it very clear to my husband that this was dealbreaker behavior and that I would not be treated so poorly, and that it was me or her. Welp, he basically cut her off for a number of years when she wouldn’t change her behavior, and I don’t know that their relationship has ever recovered. And DH doesn’t really care.

I think complicating your situation is that your boyfriend probably feels like a father towards his little sister, given that her actual father is deceased. He needs to lay down the law with her, and not straddle the fences. If you’re dealing someone who behaves completely unreasonably, you will need to hold a firm boundary. Who cares if you piss off SIL? In our case, DHs family came around when they realized he wouldn’t bend on our relationship being respected.

Lastly, your SIL probably has sexual feelings for your boyfriend. That happens and IS a thing. I’d point that out to your DH. It might be the gross-out he needs to start setting boundaries. [/quote]

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