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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you so much for reading my post and for your reples.  I have read and will re-read the suggested articles.  And to the poster whose mother “does the same and always has”, you so understand.  I’m lucky that my dad was always been there and never ignored me, if not, I do feel I would be totally dysfunctional.  As it is, I do have some insight and I know that my mother has issues.  It’s just so hard being her daughter and, with having 2 kids of my own, not knowing how she could be this way. Yes, throughout our  lives my kids and I have had disagreements and arguments but, other than the cooling off period, I have never ignored them and now I feel we all get on so well.

[b]How can my mother and I resolve things with no communication?  But why should there be something to resolve?[/b]

Every day I will read the articles to reinforce my decision that this time I will not call her, apologise to her and beg for her forgiveness, which anyway, would only last until my next misdemeanour!

[b]Bye the way she would never consider counselling.  Why should someone who is always right and who knows that they are, consider therapy? [/b]

Thank you again.[/quote]OP, I  endorse the pps' suggestions to seek therapy and work on boundaries. Part of working on boundaries is to accept that your mother is not going to change and you have to stop trying to change her.  That means grieving for the mother you should have had but didn't get.  That is extremely painful but it is a process that has an end to it.  You've been trying to change her for decades now and you know in your heart it will never work - but even when people know that, we keep on trying because we don't want to accept the painful truth.

On another note, I'm not sure whether you should have intervened in the exchange between your mother and your daughter.  Maybe if your daughter is quite young and can't stand up for herself - but generally I'm inclined to think it's better for her to handle her own relationship with her grandmother instead of having you intervene.  In a way, you made things worse and created more turmoil for yourself.  But I don't know the details so perhaps it was the right thing to do.  At any rate, you may want to reflect on your own actions and ask yourself whether they are helpful to you or are adding to the tumult.

Good luck with this.  It is really hard to disengage from a toxic parent.  Hope things get better![/quote]

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