Reply to What questions should I be asking before my dd goes to high school parties?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Howoften is she getting invited to parties and are these invitations from your daughter's friends (through activities or long term friendships)?

Since she is a ninth grader, if she is truly getting many invitations to parties and because you say she is getting mad about you metioning you want to talk the the parents, I would be VERY concerned that she is running with the wild, popular crowd or that she is trying to piggyback on parties/bashes thrown by upperclassmen, and is setting herself up to make some choices that could have serious repurcussions on her life.

Most high school kids (especially freshmen) are not going to parties every weekend. Most high school kids who are going to parties are going with/to kids who are involved in their activities, so the parents tend to know one another or at least know the kids involved in the parties.

I would tread carefully OP. If you let her go, you need to drop her off (about 30-60 minutes after she asks to be dropped off so you can see if it is a wild bash or a gathering) and pick her up early (like 11:00, for the same reason).  Show up about 20-30 minutes before you tell her you are picming her up so you can sit in your car and see what kind of party this is.

No sleepovers at her friends' houses after a party, and give her the hug test when she gets home. Be suspicious of she comes out chewing a bunch of gum or smelling of perfume. Remember all the things you did to sneak around when you were a teen.[/quote]

+100

Listen to this post above,  OP. This PP is right. Pay extra attention to the second and third paragraphs. She may be hanging with a partying crowd at school; freshman year is a big change. Does she freely talk about her new friends to you or do you not even know their first names? If you aren't at least a little acquainted with the kids whom she says are inviting her, it's a red flag. As PP says, it's not usual for freshmen to be out at late parties as much as you describe. Other posters will come on here and insist they were out partying at her age but in reality the kids doing that level of partying are not that many--but they are kids you don't want her emulating.

Also: Either you drop off and pick up or she doesn't go. You cannot assume that she would get a ride home with a sober (or even licensed) driver--she may say there's some older sibling who will drive people home etc. but --no. I'd pick up, and if she hates that she can stay home.

Her resistance to your question about parents' presence is another red flag. Of course you go and meet the parents. Ignore anyone who says not to drive her or not to set rules or ensure parents are home. [/quote]

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