Reply to Requests from a Sibing who is there for Elderly Parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry OP. Yet you also need to remember that your siblings have a right to be informed and have a say in major care decisions too. It's not all "unsolicited advice." It sounds like you need better communication channels, and yes, to stop being a martyr. [/quote]

I think it has to do with how a person communicates with the sibling who is doing the heavy lifting. If you aren't there, you need to listen to the information before jumping to conclusions and giving advice.

I think people need to be careful too. If you think you know so much better than the person actually there and yopu cannot treat that person with respect, then you also need to be prepared to step up to the plate and either move the parent near or in with you or take a leave of absense and come see what is really going on. Also, if the caregiver loses it, you will have no choice but to do more than your share.[/quote]

+1 for the second poster.  It is so easy to be the back-seat driver.  Take heart OP and know that you are doing the right thing. My FIL lives with us and has Alzheimer's.

The photo thing cracked me up.  BTDT because it is totally something like my brother and SIL would do (if it were our parents, not my FIL).  They are too lazy to print out the pics themselves but would have a lot to say if I didn't show every freaking one to my folks along with captioning to highlight how wonderful it all is.

But my FIL does get a lot of mail from friends and extended family so here is what we did.  We set up my FIL with his own e-mail account so that folks could email him directly because he still hears a lot from his business contacts and friends.  One of us downloads all the photos onto the family kitchen computer.  He can pull them up and look at the gallery with us or with his caretaker.  In our home his caretaker knows his password and can log him in directly to email.  Not everyone would feel comfortable doing that.  They also go in and work on his Facebook account although the only friends we've allowed are close family and friends.

Good luck, OP, and I for one think you look GREAT!!![/quote]

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