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[quote=Anonymous]Wow. OP, I posted earlier about saying a civil hello and goodbye at the least, and conversing only if it's neutral. I would still stick to that, though your post above shows some truly egregiously awful behaviors -- sending you DH's court record right after your wedding? That's the most passive-aggressively nasty thing I've heard.

Still, consider going if you want to see the other relatives, and still be civil toward her. Frankly, you always win by being the mature, calm person in a relationship like this. Treat her as invisible at the dinner and she will say you snubbed her.

Take care, though, that your dad is not attempting to get you two to "patch things up" by inviting her to an event you had been planning for some time to attend. Dad knows you have known about the dinner a long time and won't believe you if you say you have other plans, unfortunately; however, you are an adult and not obliged to go anyplace where someone who has been immature and snarky toward you will be present.

Does your dad fully realize that you and sister are not speaking? Does he have any idea why? (Honestly, I would not have dragged a parent into this so in your shoes my parent might not know what was up.)

If he does know what's going on: Is your relationship with your dad such that you can say to him, frankly but kindly, "Dad, you know that Sister and I are estranged. Of course it's your prerogative to invite her to dinner. I just want to be sure that you are not hoping the invitation will bring me together with her to try to get us to 'make up.' I am glad to come and see you all, including sister, but I want to say that this won't be the time or place for us to overcome differences. I promise things will be completely civil on my side."

If he doesn't know what's going on: "I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving!"

If sister is the type to have bent his ear and spewed falsehoods to make you and/or DH look bad: "I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving! I know Sister will be there. Maybe you're not aware but she and I have some differences that mean we haven't communicated much recently. If she's been communicating with you, that's great. I just would like you to understand that if we seem cool, there's nothing for you to worry about, and I will be civil and have a great time seeing everyone including Sister."

Or whatever script you work out. By the way, is your DH going to be there? The one whose record she actually went to the trouble of obtaining and whose job she disparages? If so, you need to work with him on a mutual way to handle things. I would stay very sober, talk with other relatives so there aren't openings for her to wind either of you up, and plan to meet ANY snarky comments with a cold stare, NO words, and then turn to the person next to you to say, "How about that ball game, huh?" or whatever else signals that you are deaf to snark.

If necessary, have a fictional "somewhere else we have to be at X o'clock" on Thanksgiving Day so you can leave easily. Discard this if during the dinner, things actually are going well and she's being OK or at least not engaging you.[/quote]

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