Reply to STBXH is about to start something with DD's physical therapist

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[quote=Anonymous]OP - divorce will make you crazy. Contested divorce can change you forever. It can become an obsession and the rest of the world sees you as a lunatic that's spiraling down a rabbit hole of paranoid delusions while you are blinded by the war going on in your world.

I've seen it several times. One of DW's good friends can not be in a conversation without directing it toward her ex-H and what a shit he is. She has been divorced almost 5 years.

What you are seeing may be nothing or it may be accurate but the bottom line is, it doesn't matter. The sooner you can see that and feel that, the better for you and for your child. The two of you are competing for a "best parent" award because of the pending legal battle instead of focusing on your daughter. Who is the loser in this? Your daughter. Don't engage. Whether he's trying to make you jealous, hoping to call the PT as a witness to what a great dad he is or has some other reason for talking to her, you can't control that. Let it go. He likely sees it bothering you, which just eggs him on more. Focus on your girl and her improvement. Maybe bring a nice little gift for the PT to say thanks for finding a treatment that was so helpful. Don't try to win her over, just do it if you feel it because you are grateful for what she did. Genuineness comes thru.

Once you divest of this, take a step back and think about that little girl and how wonderful she is. The two of you, whatever negatives you may have, created that miracle and you likely both have something positive to offer her. See if you can't put her above your hatred for each other. Unless you think he will endanger or neglect her, I suggest you consider writing a letter to your ex. Say something like: while I think we have reached a point of realizing we weren't good together and it's unlikely we will ever be friends, I realize the one thing we did right was (daughter's name). I think we both have something positive to offer her and I'd like to not make her part of this battle. I think that's in her best interest. I'm willing to work thru our lawyers to try to reach a mutually agreeable compromise on her custody.

Take the letter to your attorney and ask him/her for their advice on going forward. If it does get send, nest to have your lawyer gives it to his.

If he's the shit you say he is, this is about "winning" for him and making you suffer. He's trying to push you over the edge so others can see it "wasn't his fault". Right now, for him, this is about winning and that is his motivation. If you want him to not reach that goal, you need to hop off the crazy train and take those divorce blinders off.

Once the divorce is done and he realizes the responsibilities of being a single parent, he's going to back off his involvement. He's going to ask you to keep her for some of his time. When he does, say "I have no problem with that but we just need to update the custody agreement to reflect the change. I'm willing to revert back to the original whenever you are ready.

Good luck. I know what you are going thru is not fun.
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