Reply to STBXH is about to start something with DD's physical therapist

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=daisygirl]OP here.   DD is 5. I mentioned that the reason we're both going to as many appointments as our schedules allow is because we're in the middle of a very contentious divorce. Neither of us can afford to look like the parent who doesn't care enough to attend. And he doesn't communicate well enough with me that I have a clear understanding of what is going on. He tells me how he wants the outcome to be, but the reality is really something different.

We try to both go to both, because the two days are very different types of PT in two different locations. It used to be the same type of PT in the same location, but this physical therapist suggested a different treatment that has worked wonders for my DD. She is walking and running in ways she never could. Same physical therapist.

They move away from other people and have side conversations about DD without me. You are right I should assert myself. My ex is a narcissistic abuser, so in these situations, he is going to shut down that specific conversation and act like I'm a moron. That is just what he does.

I made the comment about my hair and makeup, because if I show up looking like crap, it may reinforce whatever he said about me. I just don't want to give him any room to make this case against me. And besides, I have dozens of reasons to do my hair and makeup, and I actually need to exercise them on a daily basis.

I told him tonight that we should start rotating who takes DD to the far away appointments. They are 90 minutes away, even using the toll road during rush hour. She is making so much progress, and we just started this 2 months ago, I do want to be there as much as I can. I am nervous that even if I say I'm not coming, you shouldn't come next week, that he will still show up. I won't not show up until he agrees we're rotating.

I really do have to divorce myself from the situation. That's why I posted. I can't stop him, I can't worry about it. I can't let it change anything. When I talked to him today, he spoke in plurals about everything regarding the PT. "We (her and him) are" and "XX and I think." "We were talking and we think..."

Yes, absolutely, I know she can't have a relationship with him while my daughter is in her care. It does not stop him from trying to win her over and it does not stop her feelings. I told myself last week that I don't care unless he tries to use her to come after me about something in a professional capacity (i.e. use to her get full custody). And then I would go after her license or her job or whatever.

I'm hoping she's just super nice and she can continue to help my daughter and eventually we all part ways down the road with no issues.[/quote]

I say this nicely, please get yourself some help. You need it [/quote]

I am going to say this once, and I forgot to include it in the response to all the other questions. I am in therapy. I am using DV resources as much as I can. I am on meds to reduce anxiety.

There are so many stupid threads on this board about "I think my spouse is cheating."that I am allowed to tell a handful of people I don't know (you all), who don't know me, that this insane possibility is something I think about.

Because he cheated on me 2 times.

Because he slept with someone else and then 4 hours later came home and slept with me while I was pregnant.

Beacuse he threatened to hurt me.

I got out, therapy, lawyers. What else does DCUM want from me before it stops blaming me?[/quote]

I'll try again. For some reason my previous post got deleted.
You need to read the replies again carefully.
No one is blaaming you, what people are encouraging you to do is to get a handle on you emotions before you do something you might regret.
You have been hurt before and are seeing attacks everywhere which is normal.
But you aren't dealing with facts.  You are assuming something is happening with the PT you have no evidence of that.
His actions including the phone conversation with you are by design he knows he can elicit this kind of response with you it's part of  his manipulation  and the abuse. You'be left him, but he's still trying to mess with your mind and right now it's working.[/quote]

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