Reply to putting any career advancement on hold indefinitely because your spouse works a big job

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I am in a similar position. My DH is in biglaw, we have 3 small kids. I work FT, 2 days from home, have a very flexible schedule, and am paid well ($160K) for what averages out to a 30 hr a week job most of the time. (FWIW, my colleagues at work have the same perks so they aren't envious, we are all just appreciative). Our oldest is turning 4, so I was very career focused for many years, and only really slowed my career down when DC #2 was born 2 years ago.

TBH, I am not terribly happy with how my career has stalled - I am paid well because I have specific expertise that I have developed over the years - but my current position does not grow or challenge me. This lack of professional growth is very hard for me because it is not my personality to not reach for more professionally, but I LOVE the flexibility/low-demand nature of my job and how it allows me to be fully present when I am home with my kids. I really, really enjoy my time with them and seeing them develop. So far this trade-off has been enough.

I have been actively looking for another position for at least 6 months, although I am only considering options that will also allow me to telework 2 days per week and have flexible office hours (I am fine with working closer to 40-45 hrs/week, as I can get back online after kids are in bed). However, I know that as the kids get older, I want to be able to continue to be present for them, and I want to officially start working part-time. My professional goal now is to put myself in a position within 2-3 years to be able to do part-time consulting or project-based work on meaningful and cutting-edge projects in my field. This last part is the challenge.

I also wanted to address what I think that you are hinting at: that your sacrifice career-wise makes your happy family life possible and your DH is not making a similar sacrifice. I think that this is completely true in my situation, but I am at peace with it because I think the primary beneficiaries are my kids, and (to a large extent) me. I won't gush on and on about them, but I value the time I get to spend with them - even the tedious stuff - and seeing them thrive. Does my DH also benefit from all my hard work on the homefront and with the kids? of course, but that is not why I do it - I do it for them and for me. Also, my DH works long, long hours - which I do not envy him at all - so it is not like he is laying about doing nothing while I'm doing kid/house stuff. And he misses out on kid stuff that I know he wishes he could do - it's not that he comes to all the fun activities and shirks the boring kid stuff. The only thing I envy him is that he really likes his job - and I am working toward being able to say the same.

Wishing you the best as you work through balancing your responsibilities and goals.[/quote]

OP here.  Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.  I relate to a lot of what you typed.  I also have the situation I do because I have years of experience in a very niche area.  My coworkers also have the same arrangement I do.  I'm not hiding anything from my boss or his boss.  They know I'm not on Skype anymore than 5 hours a day.  I get my work done and do it well and they 100% know how few hours I work.

When I married my husband we didn't set for there to be in imbalance in our working lives.  But he's always been a somewhat more impressive person than I am.  Which is partly why I married him.  He has phenomenal people skills and works very hard.  As such, he's risen in the ranks at a rapid clip. And for one person to rise at this clip the other one of us had to take a bit of a back role because we weren't able or willing to both be passing in the night.  I don't mind the house and child tedium at all, in fact I really enjoy it.  I'm just realizing as I turn 43 that wow, time is marching on and I'm not going anywhere professionally.

And to the divorce attorney: No, I'm not going to end up destitute.  Even in DC I could (shockingly to many on here!) live on $100K a year.  And I have my own 401K which I contribute (with match) $25K a year to.  Life would get more complex with a divorce but I'd hardly be in a box on the street.

[/quote]

You both sound like me, though I'll bet your husbands make more money. I have the less demanding job, but he has the more flexible schedule, strangely enough. We absolutely could NOT be happy with both of us in highly demanding jobs. Travel alone is enough to knock everyone off balance for a few days; by virtue of my less demanding job, I am around to smooth things out, and we all like it that way.

OP, your job sounds perfect to me and I would NOT mess with it! [/quote]

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