Reply to DH walked away from lunch date with me and the kids--am I overreacting?

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Reply to "DH walked away from lunch date with me and the kids--am I overreacting?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like he's pretty unhappy about something in your relationship.  Is he telling you what that is?[/quote]

Well, I know what he told me--I suppose it's possible there's something else but I don't have any reason to think so. He said he thinks I'm "always mad at him." So whenever he says something that he knows bothers me and I react in any way at all, he goes into this reaction of "You're ALWAYS so MAD at me" and then he gets mad at me for that. He acknowledges that it doesn't matter if I react angrily or calmly because he "can tell" or "knows" I'm mad underneath.

I think I'm entitled to my emotions and that it's not fair of him to get mad at me if I speak in a normal, calm tone just because he knows I am annoyed by what he said. I think he is also entitled to his emotions but that he has a responsibility to use a normal, calm tone in talking to me. But he seems to think that whenever he perceives I am angry, that justifies him flying off the handle. [/quote]

OP, this is a control tactic. You are correct that you are entitled to your emotions. You are allowed to get angry. And yes, never let anyone else tell you how you feel. Only you can be the expert on how you feel. In an abusive dynamic, this is used to get you to change your behavior.

Walking away from a fight can also be a control tactic. [/quote]

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