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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here again. Thank you for the replies. It feels good just to be understood because I'm at a place in my life where I don't feel that from anyone, so thank you!

Well, one tidbit I didn't put in my OP is that a little over a month ago or two months I got an email from stepbrother's wife where she ranted that my parents were coming to visit and she was angry and pissed off and said she was seething with rage, called my stepbrother stupid and useless abou talking about it, and said one of their kids was scared and stressed that my parents were coming to visit (my mom and stepdad are fabulous grandparents, so that is just absurd and it was clear to me that his wife was feeding their kids a bunch of BS and it isn't good for the kids).

I did not reply. I told my mom because she has a right to know when they show up and the kids are acting standoffish and weird.

Maybe I'm paranoid, but I'm worried my mom actually told them that I showed her the email. My mom wanted to see the email. It started off with me just telling her what was said, but then she basically demanded to see the email. It wasn't easy for me to come to her with that information. I genuinely don't want to be involved, but I also feel it's wrong to feed a child a bunch of information like that and make him afraid of his own grandparents (they desperately wanted a relationship with the kids)...

So yeah, I'm afraid my mom told them I sent the email to her or she heard from me and she doesn't want some sort of confrontation. I didn't want to be involved, but I also didn't know what else to do but to tell my mom.[/quote]

Do you have kids, OP?
If not, please don't assume that just because you had a good childhood with your parents, they are good grandparents.
Some things you can only notice when you have your own kids, and start getting criticized on the way you're raising them: the way you're feeding/breastfeeding, putting to sleep, stimulating, daycare/not daycare, working/staying home, teaching manners, babyproofing, new safety rules, choice of schools, ESPECIALLY if you're the daughter-in-law...
I mention this because it's wasn't quite right of your mother to demand the email from you. She sounds a little bit controlling.

Your sister-in-law sounds off her rocker, and your step-brother sounds a little off his rocker, which gives you all the ingredients for a nice juicy family drama - because EVERYONE involved is unreasonable!

So don't make an extra crazy, OP, and try to stay out of it.
Next time, don't share anything with your mother, or anybody else. You'll get sucked in. She's a grown woman and doesn't need to be warned in advance.
Stay neutral, listen, keep advice to a minimum or don't give it at all.

[/quote]

That's a good point and I will give you that, my mom can be very controlling and likes to have her way. It's frustrating and has been a sense of tension between me and her for years, but I think living far away has definitely improved my relationship with her. I'm not saying they're perfect, but they are devoted grandparents. They do have a tendency to want to "outdo" everyone else though.

The reason I told my mom (the biggest reason) is because the oldest child was scared and threatened to run away because his grandparents were coming to visit. If stepbrother's wife has issues with her in-laws (my parents), that's one thing, but why involve a kid? My parents were on their way up there. I told my parents because I was a foster child and my biological parents used to tell me my mom (foster mom at the time) was evil/bad person/trying to take me away. It caused a lot of nightmares for me as a kid. No child should go through that.[/quote]

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