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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like you had a chance to find out everything that's happening with your bro (via the emails from your sister in law) but you decided to "stay out of the drama". Everyone has accommodated your desire to stay out of it all. So you can't come in now and be all nosy and wondering what's up. Whether they're getting divorced isn't really your business.

And it may very well be that they don't like you, since maybe they reached out thinking that you'd be there for them emotionally and instead you showed them that you don't care about them. And maybe your mom is trying to not let you into the mix when she knows that it will just create more tension. Maybe your mom is looking out for the kids. Maybe the wife has medical issues. Who knows...

I think you should simply ask to spend some time with your mom away from the drama. Just text her back and say that it sounds like there's a lot of stuff going on over there, thanks for leaving you out of it like you requested, you'd really like to see her though since it might be your last chance for several years, you propose she meets you at X place at Y time, would that work for her?[/quote]

You are mistaken. I ignored her emails because she has mental issues.  She called her own husband stupid and useless and called my parents every name in the book. I don't want to find out anything from her. She is crazed.

One thing I don't think some people understand is that it's F*CKING stressful packing for another country. I have to come home, do my visa, pack and repack things in a storage unit and then leave. All after a 16 hour flight from where I'm at now. And won't be back in the country for a long time after this. No, not everyone has "accommodated" my desire to stay out of it all. I didn't appreciate his wife sending me those shitty emails. I didn't want to have to tell my parents about that email. I would have rather known nothing. And then my mom forced me to show her the actual email. I feel like I've been put in the middle of it and for some reason my stepbrother and his kids can take up an entire 8 bedroom house while I stay in a hotel - after he has treated my parents like crap for years.[/quote]

If you put that, minus the swear words, to your own family, perhaps they will realize that they need to accommodate you further. You are right: people who haven't done through this don't necessarily realize the stress involved.
I've gone through it so I know.

Two things:
1. Nothing can ever be fair in such large and dysfunctional families. Someone will always have more, someone will always have less of the family resources. You can speak up for yourself, because no one will want to guess what your needs are, but if you're not heard, it's no use wringing your hands eternally. Accept it and move on.

2. You really need to work on your sensitivity, anxiety and sense of unfairness. At some point, your life is your responsibility. You're on your own and can't expect people to help (it's nice when they do!). 
[/quote]

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