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[quote=Anonymous]I have been thru what you are going thru. Sex addiction sounds like a clinical diagnosis, but it is very much a catchall diagnosis in the sense that there are many things that can be driving the behaviour.  In my exDH's case, this kind of extreme sexual behaviour is an aspect of hypersexuality in the manic part of the cycle of bipolar depression.  The way your partner is responding, blaming you, means that he is not ready to do the hard work to repair himself.

Please take what I am going to say to heart - you need to leave him and file for child support immediately and get a lawyer and file for full custody.  This kind of sexual behaviour has very deep roots and only intensive work with a psychotherapist and psychiatrist for HIM, where he is really willing to examine his behaviour, has even a possibility of success and then only after many years.

You do not owe it to him to "stand by him".  You owe it to your kid to raise that child in a loving home with a stable parent and without the risk of exposure to your partner's impulsive and extreme sexual behaviour (and that will happen if you stay as his sexuality is so out of control.)

What you do owe your exDH, to the extent that it is healthy for your child, is some kind of ongoing supervised parenting contact.  In my case, I easily got full custody of my kids without going to court because I made it clear that I would fight for it, and in so doing, I would make public his diagnosis and all the evidence I had on his behaviour, and that I would do so in court and with his family.  He, of course, didn't want that.  The carefully constructed image of "nice guy" is very important for them to maintain. Get a lawyer to help you negotiate a custody agreement the father will sign voluntarily; whatever you both will sign, the court will rubber stamp.

In exchange, exDH got frequently weekly supervised visitation with our kids.  As the kids got older and they could protect themselves, he had more time with them alone.  He can hold himself together for a couple hours a day with them if he doesn't have any real responsibility.

Get into therapy yourself.  You need to understand why you are unable to enforce boundaries.  Why did you not leave at the first sign of infidelity?  Yes, our culture teaches womwn that relationships are hard and we are supposed to put up with a lot, but why did you believe that to this extent?  Also, this is a huge betryal trauma, which is now seen as a form of complex PTSD, so be sure to work with a therapist who understands PTSD. You might also consider S-Anon meetings.

I know leaving sounds hard, but in the long run it is for the best.  You and your child can have a much better life, even if you are alone and even if it is at a lower income level.  But, if you work on yourself for a few years, the odds are that you are young and you will eventually find a much stronger, healthier partner.  Please leave. [/quote]

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