Reply to We have a great logistical and financial marriage, but no affection. Worth it or not?

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Reply to "We have a great logistical and financial marriage, but no affection. Worth it or not?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Given all that you are getting from your current marriage I don't think you should leave your husband. No one will be 100% perfectly what you want. I think in your case there are so many more pros than cons. And I say this as a woman that had an affair due to lack of affection/ physical and emotional intimacy. I ended up getting all of the affection and intimacy I could ask for in a life time. In fact it was the best sex of my life. It was like a drug...BUT the man I cheated with was deeply flawed and lacked in other areas. My vote is for you to stay where you are. Don't ruin a good thing for a fantasy.[/quote]

OP here: thank you. I've been toying with this idea of getting the affection piece outside the marriage, but given the chances that it could blow up in my face, I couldnt do it. I'm too risk averse.

Did you stay with your original husband? Did you divorce? Thank you sincerely for your response! [/quote]

We ended up separating for 5 months. He moved out into an apartment and I stayed in the house with the kids. I ultimately couldn't afford the upkeep of the house as a single mom and had to move out. I ended up moving into his apartment and we are currently reconciled and still in the apartment.

There is still no affection/ emotional intimacy however we do have sex. It is very robotic. We just argued the other night about it actually and he got upset when I explained that I don't like our sex. Ive tried explaining to him what I need from him sexually but he is very selfish and it's mostly about him. I was so upset during our conversation that I told him that I can't make him want to make love to me.

Each day here is torture because I am still in love with the other man. I crave daily all of the affection he showered me with...the hugs ( which made me completely melt into his arms), gazing into each others eyes, daily affirmations of love " I love you etc", the forehead kisses, the way he brushed his hand across my cheek, the way he was completely wrapped up in me, the way he made love, the way he gave oral  (multiple times during one session) , the way he always grabbed for my hand when we walked along side each other, the way he gave me back and foot massages after a long day of work, the way he catered to my every whim, there is so much more to tell but you get the point. This is exactly the type of affection I had always wanted / needed however this man that I love is deeply flawed in other ways.

So I'm back in this affectionless situation and my life is not nearly as good as yours. We are struggling financially, we are completely detached, we don't really talk unless it's about the kids. We resent each other. Trust me I know what it feels like to be starved of affection and intimacy...I have been doing it for 11 years ( minus our 5 mo. Steparation). It seems like you've got a really good set up and if I were you I wouldn't be so quick to throw that away by leaving your husband. I also wouldn't suggest stepping outside of your marriage as you will probably end up falling head over heels in love with the new man showering you with all this attention and affection. I assure you however that he will be defective in other ways. It's like trading one set of problems for another.[/quote]

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