Reply to I get asked constantly when/why I'm not having a second

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can see how these questions would be painful in light of infertility, but try not to take it personally.  If your son is almost 4, that is prime time for many people having their second, third, whatever.  A lot of folks are probably trying to decide if they are going to have another, or are coming to terms with not having another, and its just on their minds.  I imagine if you answer briefly and turn it around on them "We can't have another.  What about you?" they'll be happy to discuss their feelings on having another child, which is probably what they were hinting at by asking in the first place. [/quote]

Yup this.

People are just chatting.  When you have little kids, people are curious if you're done building your family or not.  Obviously, this can be painful for some people, as it is for you.

When I was struggling to get pregnant with my first child and people would ask "when are you having kids?" I'd say "I don't know" because it was the truth.  If they followed that up with something else like "are you having them?" I'd say "yes, we'd like to".  If I was close with them, I might share what was going on and how we were struggling.  If not, I just kept it brief and simple, but in a way that felt authentic to me.

Part of what infertility taught me is that many of us are battling something hard that's not visible.  And it's good to be kind in general but also forgiving of those who might say something that stings without meaning to.  You have probably done the same and never even realized it.  Ever complained about your mom to someone whose mother has died?  That sort of thing.

Be kind, be forgiving.

I'm sorry about your struggles and I hope you find peace soon.[/quote]

Very good advice.  We all probably say things that are hurtful to others, just because we don't know what's going on in their life..  Or even if we do.  My DH lost his mom earlier this year and my Mom comes over weekly.  I'm sure it really stings him and hurts, even though we don't mean to hurt him at all.  I also had many friends talk about their kids/pregnancies non-stop when I was going through IVF.  It sucked and hurt and many times I'd avoid the conversations.  But generally people don't mean to hurt us, unless they are psychopaths![/quote]

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