Reply to My DS11 with ADHD said...

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Reply to "My DS11 with ADHD said..."

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[quote=Anonymous]I've been thinking about this post all day and came back because I really feel compelled to give my perspective as someone with ADHD.

The ADHD is not my "true self"--the ADHD obscures my true self or impairs my ability to be my best true self.  Just the same way my allergies impair my ability to do my best physically.   I have personality traits and interests that may attract or repel other people (I have certain political views, I geek out on sci fi, I over-research things and am too interested in weird historical trivia, I love to sing along with old pop songs.... ).  That may be my "true self" but none of that has anything to do with my ADHD.  The ADHD interferes with my ability to connect with people who might appreciate my true self when I forget to return calls/emails; am late to things; interrupt people when they are speaking; talk too long without letting someone else speak.  Those things are all the ADHD, but not my "true self."  I'm making this post because I sometimes see posts from parents saying that they don't want to "change" their child by trying to get rid of the ADHD.  As someone with ADHD, I think this is wrong-headed.  Don't confuse your child's underlying personality/interests with the ADHD--being rude or oblivious is not part of your child's personality--it is the ADHD and you can treat/minimize that without changing your child's "true self."

The people who say things like "Oh, I'm just going to be late for everything and you need to deal with it because that's who I am!" are just justifying their rudeness.  (I'm often late and I would say "I'm sorry I was late.  I sometimes loose track of time.  I hope I didn't inconvenience you.  If I'm late again, please don't feel that you need to wait for me.").

anyway, I guess I wanted to say to OP that you should try to see what he sees as the conflict between his "true self" and having friends.  If it's the ADHD, treat it.  If it's just that his interests are different than the other boys at school, then he may need a bigger social circle (including maybe some older kids).  One good thing about going to middle school and high school is that there are more kids... so if you're a kid that is a little different, the odds increase that you will find someone whose difference lines up with yours. [/quote]

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