Reply to My DS11 with ADHD said...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Only in western societies is there a concept of one, true authentic self. We are all different in different situations.[/b] It's actually the hallmark of being human. In my family, we talk a lot about this and how other societies (particularly Chinese) understand this and weave it better into social life. We also read books where the protagonists go through different situations that show this (Where the Mountain Meets the Moon is a good one). [/quote]

+1. I would tell your DS that his decisions are his own, but there can be many sides to "him" dependent on the goals he's intending to reach at the moment with the specific interactions. For example:

School-him: Probably wants good grades. Should choose his actions accordingly.

Hobby-him: Likely wants to improve/succeed in some sort of activity, and therefore needs to put in adequate time to practice skills

Social-him: Probably wants at least a few friends to hang out with sometimes. Should cultivate those relationships intentionally and make sure to fit time with friends into his schedule, prepared to act in pro-social ways at those times.

Family-him: Needs to ensure that his behavior & contributions such as chores are adequate within the family structure; might have obligations to extended family or a desire to maintain a connection to older relatives/family heritage

Free time-him: The most relaxed; with other goals taken care of this is his time to do & be exactly what feels right to him without a specific purpose.

Being able to choose what to prioritize when and how to act in ways that get us what we actually want is indeed a key part of being human and a good life skill to lean.[/quote]

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