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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Yes, we're in a somewhat similar situation here. I've been teaching DS12 these past couple of years to stretch gently from "being me" to "being me but social". The difficult part is that he's not motivated enough. Just like his father, the loner without friends. Sigh. 
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OP here- it's a delicate conversation because there is, of course, a line between "being you" and also improving for your own benefit and for better relationships. I think in DS's case, he's trying to figure out who he and where he fits. In spite of all the issues, he's a deep thinker. [/quote]

I'm an intensely introverted and very shy person. What I've hated over the years is people telling me that being less introverted and less shy was an improvement. It was as if people (including my very well meaning and loving mom) were telling me I wasn't good enough. That being another person would be better. I've come to a better place thinking not that being less introverted or shy would be better, but that I need to have control over when I want to be introverted and shy, and when I want to be social. If I can make a decision about my own level of introversion then I'm good. If the introversion controls me, or if my desire to not be introverted because people told me introversion is bad controls me, then I'm not being my full self. My full self gets to choose. You might try some of that parsing with your son - he should be his true self! His true self is AWESOME. It needs no fixing. If he wants to behave differently sometimes to make friends comfortable (because part of his true self is being a caring, fair, kind dude, right?) he can work on skills he can choose to use when he wants to make others more comfortable. [/quote]

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