Reply to Visiting parents in another state, change in viewpoints

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[quote=Anonymous]I guess I'm one of the few who sides with your DH.

- Those people messed you up.
- He had to deal with that messed-up-ness.
- You assured him that you'd dramatically reduce contact with them.
- He stayed in the marriage, presumably supported you a lot over the years, decided to have children with you.
- Now you change your mind and want to introduce the dysfunction back into your lives.

And although you think things are so much better, from his perspective (or an impartial person), things could still be really dysfunctional. Coming from a starting position where you were raised for a time by your grandparents because your parents essentially weren't fit to raise you is a VERY low starting point. So even if things are dramatically better, it doesn't mean that they're the type of people he'd want the kids to spend a lot more time with.

So from his perspective, maybe he's worried about the impact that their dysfunction will have on you or the kids. Who knows, maybe he was planning to leave you way back because of all the issues with those people and you assured him that they wouldn't be a problem anymore. Maybe he wouldn't have had kids with someone if he knew that the grandparents would be in the picture a lot and those were the grandparents.

Plus of course he has no relationship with them, and he knows that the kids don't either, so there's not much to miss from his side.

You don't get to suddenly change the game 10 years into a marriage without serious pushback.
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