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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "divorcing a man with borderline personality disorder"
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[quote=Anonymous]I am in the wake of a difficult 7-year relationship with a partner who was either undiagnosed BPD or BPD Spectrum. As I scour the internet forums and articles for answers and to take my mind off of what I can not control I find some humor, albeit dark and cynical humor, when the troll-like responses of someone with obv denial and BPD traits indicate that some part of the text has triggered them. So often it is Shari Schreiber and her writings. How offended some people can get that there is someone out there making a living off of providing people with support and tools for success in the wake of failure and possibly even years of being an unheard victim of abuse and self-neglect. Old thread? Actual success or results? Relevancy to OP? THis doesn't matter because these ppl are TRIGGERED now. So nothing matters other than their feelings and what they think they need. SO THIS IS THE HARD TRUTH THAT THESE PEOPLE CAN RARELY WRAP THEIR HEADS AROUND Shari Schreiber's writing, her site, her therapy are not for YOU and they are not about YOU! So go away, turn around and stop making everything about effing YOU! Her perspective is about recovery and NOT blaming the BPD/NPD/ETC in your life for your choices, even tho they likely blame you. Blame is one of their strategies and it can be a toxic mindset that can consume the non-BPD. The important thing is to be bigger than that. Look back at the relationship and realize that you chose to be there for some reason and it was likely because you didn't/don't value yourself and feel that you deserved being treated that way for not doing enough for your partner or loving them enough, or the right way. Her advice is almost uniformly that you need to learn to love yourself, be good enough for anyone you choose to let into your life and realize that it isn't your duty nor will it likely be possible for you to fix the problems that other people have, especially when they refuse to accept that they even have them. You can't solve the problem by loving them harder or better. But you can fix it by loving yourself harder and better, and doing that often requires that you get rid of anyone who would stand in your way. I have never gone to see Shari, I don't have the money or time for that. I hadn't even heard of her until a few weeks ago when I read her literature and took it for what it was. She is not beating the bully pulpit to criminalize and stigmatize anyone who you may suspect of having a Cluster B Personality Disorder. She is providing the common sense tools and support that some people find they need after trauma and loss of self-worth. And knowing that Cluster B's tend to devalue and discard partners leaving once vulnerable people now hopeless and confused and clinging to life, she found a pretty solid area to market her services. I know it is so IMPOSSIBLE for BPD and NPD sufferers to ever learn this but: If you could consider the value that some things in the world have to people even though they may not be useful to YOU, then maybe you would not be TRIGGERED by quite so many inconsequential things...[/quote]
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