Reply to The weight of our lives tilts towards my husband

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[quote=Anonymous]NP. This is simple: you need to give yourself permission to take space and resources in your family.

I understand where you are coming from because my marriage is similar.  My husband has no issue asking for / taking what he needs/wants (in terms of time and resources), but it is harder for me. Probably a lot of this is cultural - men seem to default to "the answer is yes unless I'm explicitly told no" while women seem to operate from the reverse.

Anyway - the big breakthrough for me was getting to a breaking point and finally taking time/space for what would satisfy me,  and then realizing (gratefully) that my husband really meant it when he said he wanted me to be happy and would be supportive. It was an epiphany for me to realize he wasn't trying to hurt me by ignoring my needs, but that he honestly didn't see them without me spelling them out in big neon letters.

So you talk about Vermont - I'm sure that's just an example, but pursue that, or something else like a big trip to visit the historical sites of interest to you, etc. Hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised to find that your spouse really does mean it when he says he'll support you.

And also feel free to push back on your spouse's activities if they are interfering with family life in ways that he's just being clueless about.  Mine can sometimes be a little loose with his grasp of family logistics, so honestly doesn't put 2 and 2 together sometimes (I.e. No that's not a good weekend for your out of town trip because we have the kids' birthday party scheduled that day, yes I need you home 2 hours before the party because we are responsible for X, Y and Z, that's the weekend we had discussed visiting your grandmother, etc.)[/quote]

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