Reply to DH sent his parents money without discussing first

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Apparently his parents appliances have broken and they can't afford to cover the cost. They both work. So DH sent a few hundred to his mom. We are in our late 20s early 30s. Trying to save for a house, kids, move...we both work full-time and have side gigs to bring in as much income as possible right now. His parents live way beyond their means. And his dad refuses to get a better job because its beneath him. While he works a commission based job and brings in crap. I hate that I'm so upset by this but I am. My mom raised us a single immigrant parent with no degree, and saved religiously. She would never ask her kids for money and these two college educated adults can't seem to make it work?[/quote]

The very fact that he did not tell you until after he did it, tells you he knows it was wrong of him.

And it was wrong of him. Have a nice, civil talk and set some basic rules for your money donations.  It's one thing if there is a true emergency or disability in the family (and even then there are programs that can help fund it), but not this sort of stuff or living beyond their budget. You both have a lot of goals, including saving your hard-earned money, and he needs to get his priorities right.

Any chance he is from one of those Asian or Mideast cultures where you always put Mom and Dede first, your whole life?[/quote]

This will happen again, OP.  If it is not for life saving surgery (don't they have insurance for that anyway?) - I would put an end to this.  He needs to discuss anything like this with you first, because he can't save the world, and it will always be something with this type of family.  I have a dear friend who has the same issue.  In one example, the friend's spouse gave a family member a job, knowing how difficult the family member was.  My friend, who had no idea how difficult the family member was, gave it her blessing - she wanted to help the family member, in good faith.  Come to find out, it was the worst hire ever -the family member was so difficult, they didn't get along with anyone!  In the second example, the spouse actually gave away a car that my friend (and the entire family!) was actually using - to some deadbeat "friend" (user) who got fired, lied about money, and got divorced.  Apparently, the deadbeat was all to happy to take whoever down with him.  My friend had to be the "bad guy" and put a stop to it.  You guessed it, now the friend and her husband need a car and there is no one to help them.  Able bodied adults should be able to help themselves, OP - unless they are goal users.  In which case, RUN!   [/quote]

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