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[quote=Anonymous]You need to think carefully about whether you are a passive-aggressive person and/or whether you are holding onto a grudge. You don't need to share the answer here, but you need to think really carefully if you are letting your anger and resentment over the past (and other efforts to get your husband to "see the light" that have been rebuffed and ignored) are driving your refusal to accept, forgive, and reconcile. I can't tell you how many women tell me this--if he'd just seen the light at our 10th anniversary when I did everything to rekindle the romance, etc. etc.

The truth is that people move at their own pace. You are not without your own faults and oblivious points. For some people, it's easier to wield that ax than put it down. BUT if that resentment is driving the breakup, your resentments and anger will not dissipate. Remember the adage about the container is damaged by the acid? In fact, the bitterness and ugliness of divorce and custody struggles may very well make you even angrier and more resentful as a human being. This is not a pretty process. And I honestly advise you to look at yourself frankly and think carefully if you are refusing to forgive.

If that is the problem, there are books and therapists who can help people learn to forgive. It's not like it's easy to do and you can admit that you need help learning how to do this.[/quote]

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