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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find if I actually let myself feel the feelings, don't fight them, feel them, they go away sooner. The toughts you have to work on stopping but let yourself feel the sadness, loneliness and the feelings will lessen over time.[/quote]

Not sure if this works for me, at the moment. My problem is that when I feel those feelings- missing him, wondering what he is doing, etc etc, I end up acting on them, and contacting him. Then I get pulled back down into the rabbit hole---if he does not respond, I analyze it and get sad. If he responds, but in a fairly short way, I analyze it and get sad. If he responds and we reengage in long back and forth conversation, I feel happy. It's like a drug addiction that I know is not good for me, I try and go cold turkey but have slip ups.[/quote]

[b]Nooooo you have to go completely cold turkey. Seriously there is no other way, don't drag it out - don't do that to yourself. It will be tough and honestly it will likely take months once you do so...but you CAN feel sane again. However, that will only start once you truly cut it off. It will get easier with time...you'll still get those occasional strong pangs (it really is almost like a drug!), but with the benefit of time and space you'll recognize that they will pop up and pass relatively quickly. That makes it easier to see them rationally, and decide not to act on them (which feels good, trust me). But seriously you have to go entirely no contact, for the long haul. And in the meantime, don't drink too much [/[/b]quote]

Thank you for this. I've gone thru weeks or 1, 2 months without contacting him. But never more than that. Either I cave and reach out, or inevitably, just as soon as i think I have turned the corner, he reaches out.[/quote]

I'm PP and yes I can toootally relate to that. I was stuck in that (soul crushingly all-encompassing...) dynamic for almost 2 years all said and done, which is pathetic I know. There'd be an intense week or so where we were texting constantly - perfect banter,  felt like an otherworldly connection etc etc you know the drill - followed by a couple months of silence and the whole thrill of who will reach out first??  This isn't an area I particularly wished to have expertise in...buuuut I do so hopefully you can benefit! Seriously it's the only way, the sooner you truly cut the cord the sooner you can start to move on.

The whole back and forth chase thing is alluring and can be way too fun, but you KNOW what's happening when he hasn't heard from you in 2 months and then reaches out - he's making sure he still 'has' you; making sure he's still in the forefront of your mind because [b]he can annoyingly sense that maybe you've had a few good days of non-obsessing.[/b] I think it helps to think about future you, and how appreciative she'll be if you end this maturely with your head high and pride intact, and start the inevitable grieving then healing process. I agree with posters who recommend writing out your feelings (or talking out with a trusted friend, if you prefer) - not to send to him, but you have to get those feelings out somehow. Take their power away

[/quote]

WOW. This is  me exactly! I swear its like he senses when Im doing OK or like i said, about to turn that corner and move on/be confidently in a good place....and BAM he appears. It's like he is in my head..."she hasn't contacted me in a while, she must be focusing her attention on something else positive...let me mess up her head and contact her."[/quote]

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